so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
