Welp...herpes.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
