I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
