I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
