She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
