I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
