I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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