I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
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