You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
