Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Randomize
