I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
