But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
