drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize