so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
