ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize