I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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