This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
