he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
