I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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