:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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