I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Two words: blizzard sex
I love you. Go after that dick
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
