Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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