I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
