yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
God I need to hump something, right now.
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