I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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