So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
