it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
