so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize