oh god the rape fog is back!
I showed him my bush... on skype.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
