I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
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We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
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He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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