so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm bleeding and have questions
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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