I think I won the penis lottery.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
