oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
