Soap is not a condiment
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
