Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
