I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
