Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
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