She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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