Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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