This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
