do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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