Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
