you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
