i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
