I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
