So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
