I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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