I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
