for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
