who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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