so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
