Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
