i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
please don't ironically join a cult
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