dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
