My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
