I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
