Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
