Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
