dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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