i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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