Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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