could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
