Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
