I'm lost and stupid without you.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
