I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
