Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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