I'm eating all of the evidence.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
