I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
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I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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