If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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