He disabled his match.com account in front of me
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
