i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
