Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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