apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
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i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
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She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.