Texts From Last Night

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  (281): View more from Texas

  Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.

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  (281): Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location. http://tfl.nu/j750
  Replies (30) Good night (4519) Bad night (668)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.

  (1-810): View more from Michigan

  nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.

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  (810): i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand. (1-810): nice, that's exactly what jesus would do. http://tfl.nu/jen7
  Replies (19) Good night (4206) Bad night (636)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...

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  (810): I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work... http://tfl.nu/lwph
  Replies (29) Good night (4316) Bad night (628)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!

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  (503): You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit! http://tfl.nu/d8vz
  Replies (9) Good night (633) Bad night (3238)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.

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  (845): Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye. http://tfl.nu/5hfu
  Replies (20) Good night (1429) Bad night (2842)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off

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  (401): yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off http://tfl.nu/phv1
  Replies (2) Good night (1881) Bad night (1083)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.

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  (903): As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix. http://tfl.nu/azut
  Replies (5) Good night (1401) Bad night (626)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  "Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.

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  (301): "Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there. http://tfl.nu/ru2o
  Replies (11) Good night (1814) Bad night (502)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka

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  (479): Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka http://tfl.nu/t2p9
  Replies (1) Good night (458) Bad night (183)
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  (315): View more from New York

  Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail

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  (315): Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail http://tfl.nu/sj7w
  Replies (5) Good night (857) Bad night (432)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.

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  (618): I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask. http://tfl.nu/me9u
  Replies (2) Good night (382) Bad night (262)
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  (190): View more from

  All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way

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  (190): All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way http://tfl.nu/sfii
  Replies (0) Good night (302) Bad night (194)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.

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  (703): There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits. http://tfl.nu/9vrk
  Replies (2) Good night (527) Bad night (536)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.

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  (317): Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions. http://tfl.nu/72j5
  Replies (2) Good night (549) Bad night (169)
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  (830): View more from Texas

  I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that

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  (830): I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that http://tfl.nu/26i3
  Replies (1) Good night (193) Bad night (108)

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