It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings