you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!