Texts From Last Night

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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  only room for one pussy in that bed.

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  (262): When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy. (612): only room for one pussy in that bed. http://tfl.nu/8gho
  Replies (9) Good night (911) Bad night (2428)
• Favorite

  (972): View more from Texas

  I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"

  (1-972): View more from Texas

  More like "Chia Pet"

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  (972): I just named my vagina "The Boneyard" (1-972): More like "Chia Pet" http://tfl.nu/ds7x
  Replies (19) Good night (978) Bad night (5221)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you

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  (407): If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you http://tfl.nu/r9im
  Replies (21) Good night (1084) Bad night (4479)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now

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  (603): I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now http://tfl.nu/6uxz
  Replies (21) Good night (5031) Bad night (638)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up

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  (562): Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up http://tfl.nu/thrv
  Replies (18) Good night (1192) Bad night (3664)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."

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  (503): PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true." http://tfl.nu/yccu
  Replies (17) Good night (5851) Bad night (809)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire

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  (847): I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire http://tfl.nu/ncts
  Replies (10) Good night (5128) Bad night (1670)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.

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  (678): I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup. http://tfl.nu/z0w1
  Replies (7) Good night (3270) Bad night (880)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."

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  (905): He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING." http://tfl.nu/odsi
  Replies (3) Good night (2291) Bad night (995)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked

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  (613): who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked http://tfl.nu/fbnh
  Replies (4) Good night (2685) Bad night (702)
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.

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  (218): Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple. http://tfl.nu/aihu
  Replies (4) Good night (2298) Bad night (687)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.

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  (208): You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch. http://tfl.nu/o56t
  Replies (1) Good night (1324) Bad night (464)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u

  (815): View more from Illinois

  U act like I can cum on command

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  (309): I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u (815): U act like I can cum on command http://tfl.nu/wvuj
  Replies (3) Good night (733) Bad night (332)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.

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  (330): All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy. http://tfl.nu/2g6m
  Replies (4) Good night (853) Bad night (327)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor

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  (814): Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor http://tfl.nu/6e1k
  Replies (0) Good night (501) Bad night (315)

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