dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
high people should be assigned attendants
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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