I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
