Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.