and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
