Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
