Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
