the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
whose ass print is on the piano?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
